mommy underground
mommy underground (mu),
the bimonthly newsletter with the balls (err, should we say tits?) to give you motherhood in the real.
No fluff. No superficial expectations. Just raw truths to demystify what motherhood entails. Expect humor,
snark, and a little groveling.
Featured articles for each issue are posted online. Subscribers can receive the full newsletter via email by subscribing
here (Yahoo! Groups) or send a blank e-mail to
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mu :: issue 2 :: volume 2 :: Subsequent Children, Am I... or Are You...Ready?
Within an hour of my son's birth my mother strutted into the hospital room--as a very new, first time grandmother--and asked, "So when's number two?"
I nearly choked on my much needed orange juice. Twenty-two hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing had me a wee bit dehydrated, if not exhausted. And a bit overwhelmed--I'd had under ten minutes of mommy practice and she was asking for a timetable on the next one?
Now fast forward three and half years later. There still isn't a number two. Not that we've prevented it from happening. Or really *tried* for one. But it has been decided, we're ready. At least as ready as two adults of one child can be--I mean who *really* IS ready?
Here's my short list of signs. But remember, this is just me--use your best judgement:
- Babies look like adorable. Even when they are crying. Whimpering. Wiggling in car seats atop shopping carts in the grocery store.
- You find yourself wanting to help said mom by offering to hold the kiddo and like nestle and cuddle, and just be a mom to a baby again
- Agreeing whole-heartedly with blog friends who are contemplating child two and are giving you every reason to and not to want them... but you still do
- Don't care that you may never ever sleep again (ever) with the arrival of another urchin. Even if the other one hasn't quite gotten the whole sleep in big boy bed ALL night long
- The thought of breast-feeding a high-demand nurser doesn't revolt you
If you said yes to 3 of the 5, you're likely ready. At least my [mu] standards (which ain't much).
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What's in Line?
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Ponderings for the next issue:
--Are we a little testy? Handling the crab and parenting (online)
--Appropriate Television, and when to give in to Batman (subscription only)
--Blogging Mommies (running series)-- 2 More (subscription only)
--Greener Grasses in the Workplace (or not) Series -- Finding Daycare Misery (PART 1) (subscription only)
--Books Even A Mom Would Love-- (subscription only)
SUBSCRIBE for the full mu. Send a blank e-mail to:
mommy_underground-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
mu: volume 2 :: issue 1 :: Trusting the Babysitter Won't Kill the Kid(s)
For the first six months of my son's life, I didn't want to trust a soul with my child. Even my poor, poor husband had to battle my eye twitches as I walked out the door to take hour off for grocery shopping or [gasp] a hair cut. But I soon learned this was not the way to live normally.
Our kids are the love of our lives, we want to protect them, love them, hold them, and just generally keep them out of harms way right? Well, what about our sanity? Don't we need an hour out of a week (or month or three in my case) where we don't feel like mothers or parents? If you are hesitant to answer, I'll answer for you--YES. You deserve it. And guess what? It won't kill you or your kids.
Yes, it is hard. Yes, you hear them crying in your head while trying to enjoy a movie or dinner alone. Yes, you resist the constant urge to call home to quadruple check that the kid did indeed eat or take a nap or have a bowel movement. All of this--normal. Completely normal with at least the first kid.
But at some point you have to cut yourself some slack. And when you do, it could be fabulous. I mean, look at my son I mama's-boy-to-the-point-of-screaming-his-head-off-if-I-ever-left-the-room. Now, after having spent his days with friends and at *school*? Well, let's just say my heart breaks into a million little pieces when he runs off, blows kisses my direction, and then plays. Without a second glance at me, standing in the doorway, waving.
The upside of this heart crushing--when I really need the time away, the guilt is gone. I can trust that he is getting the care he needs without the stress of crying for me for hours. And I can actually enjoy myself when I am out and about childless. Do I recommend finding a sitter (or daycare center or nanny or whatever) with care? Of course. And then do your best to let it go. And have fun, childless, for a few hours. You'll be home and in full mother mode before you know it.
mu:: vol 1 :: issue 5 :: Surviving the Holidays Mommy Style
It is the time of year where all things get out of control--holidays, parties, sugar induced energy, and resolution to do things *better* in the coming new year. Why can't we just relish the craziness and tell ourselves we do the best we can? I don't know about you--but after chatting with my girlfriends (or should I say mom-friends) that we women get more worked up over the holiday gift buying thing then our male counterparts, and we need to relieve the pressure and stress of the holidays. Here's some ways to help uncomplicate the holidays:
1 - Wish Lists. Utterly and totally fabulous ideas for ALL your gift purchases. Online or not, MAKE THESE SUCKERS work for you. For the kid (he's only 3) I handed him a toy magazine and a marker to circle his favorites (again, he's 3, everything got a circle). For the husband--Amazon.com. For my parents and in-laws- Amazon.com. Friends and Co-workers? Friendly e-mails asking if they had electronic wish lists (a.k.a. Amazon.com) or various gift certificates they loved--because nothing can be worse than a useless gift that gets stored in a closet for the next 5 years.
2 - Alone time. Send your kids gift shopping with the husband or family member. They should get in the gift giving spirit and buy YOU something too right? And guess what? You have the side benefit of getting a whole hour or three to yourself in the process.
3 - Free Babysitting. If you are like me, holidays mean family time. And when family is involved HAND OFF YOUR CHILDREN. Take advantage of the over-zealous grandparents and make yourself some plans that DON'T involve the kiddies. I've always had a hard time asking my parents to watch the little one--but this year, I made plans I can't break, and now they can't say No.
4 - Cookies, Candy, and all things Bad for your kids. If you've read any of the past issues, you know I am fond of treating my kid. Hey, I am all for nutrition, but have you been in any office or department store lately? Or even your neighbor's house? Inundated with candy and cookies yet? I am--so why should I deprive my kid from what part of the holiday season is about-- good food and treats (moderation is key, but hey, I'm not perfect). So let your kids have some candy. It can make them happy, and you. Nothing can be a better aphrodisiac than chocolate--and that can make after-the-kids-go-to-bed that much more fun for you (and hey, sex relieves stress doesn't it?).
5 - Bribery. Yep, you read that correctly- bribe your kids. Let them help out with the wrapping of gifts and then they can watch their favorite television show. Need to make a batch of cookies for the cookie-walk? Let them be in charge of the frosting and sprinkles--and THEN they can go play the latest computer or video game. Want to read a book little kidlings? Well, help mom put the latest load of laundry away. I am all for doing the fun things--but when things get frantic, you need the help as much as they need to learn the responsibility (and yes, I'll admit to giving chocolate to the kid if he agrees to wait then 30 minutes longer in the check-out aisle at Target--but I won't recommend that bribery to you. At least officially).
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What's in Line?
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Ponderings for the next issue:
--Trusting the Babysitter Won't Kill the Kid(s) (online)
--Resolutions that We Might Not Want To Keep (subscription only)
--Blogging Mommies (running series)-- 2 More (subscription only)
--Greener Grasses in the Workplace (or not)-- AND IT CONTINUES (subscription only)
--Books Even A Mom Would Love-- LITERARY MAMA by by Andrea J. Buchanan and Amy Hudock (subscription only)
SUBSCRIBE for the full mu. Send a blank e-mail to:
mommy_underground-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
mu:: vol 1 :: issue 4 :: Stealing Time to Be Yourself
One of the biggest lessons I had to learn as a new mom was that I no longer had time to lay around in my pajamas, or watch movies in a leisurely relaxing fashion. And free time? It doesn't exist anymore. And that, my friends, almost drove me to insanity--until I started stealing time.
Yep--you heard me. I steal time for myself and I am not ashamed to admit it. How else am I going to have time to write this newsletter. Or like take a shower. Or stay sane. So, I developed a systematic approach to find time for myself. It's pretty simple and I am sure you could make it work for you too--so you could find a free moment to read a chapter of your favorite book. Watch that movie you are dying to see. Or, you never know, snuggle up to your significant other and get a little action going--one just doesn't know what can get done in 15 minutes until you try do you?
Here's the simple rules:
1) Steal time steal from your significant other--in my case my husband. Really--these others are grown adults. You don't need to spend every waking moment attending to them. So instead of washing their dirty underwear RIGHT NOW-- go enjoy something for yourself.
2.) Steal time from your urchins (i.e. children). Right now--I should be watching, interacting, or maybe even challenging my son in some educational or fun activity. But instead, I have water ready to boil on the stove for dinner, the television blaring The Little Mermaid, and my laptop open so I can write this. If I didn't steal this time--I would never write. And thus, not be trying to reach my dream of publishing a novel and honing my craft of writing.
3.) Steal time from ridiculous housework activities. How do you do this? Is there laundry that needs to be done? Put ONE load in the wash, and right when you press start, give yourself 5 - 10 minutes (or however long you can keep your kiddos occupied with art or playdough or books, or naptime, and paint your toenails--or some activity you love.
See, 3 steps, that is all it takes. If you do each of these once a day, you've gained 45 minutes (roughly) or YOU time. Some people call this time management--but it is more like juggling my needs versus everyone else's--so go for it. You deserve a bit of time to yourself!
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What's in Line?
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Ponderings for the next issue:
--Birthday Party Madness: Is it really a competitions [online]
--Surviving the Holidays, Mommy Style [subscription only]
--Blogging Mommies (running series) [running series, subscription only]
--Greener Grasses in the Workplace (or not)-- NOT QUITE [running series, subscription only]
--Books Even A Mom Would Love-- Review: LITTLE EARTHQUAKES by Jennifer Weiner [running series, subscription only]
SUBSCRIBE for the full mu. Send a blank e-mail to:
mommy_underground-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
mu:: vol 1 :: issue 3 :: Beauty Tips for the New Mother
Remember the first few months of a new mom? You aren't a mom yet? Well, let me be the first to tell you, that old wardrobe you had of expensive, elegant clothes are never going to be the same again.
Throw out anything that needs to be ironed, dry-cleaned, or 'just can't get dirty or else' because. THEY WILL GET DIRTY! Spit-up is the least of your worries. My son liked to have power-poops the sprayed out of his ass onto anything that happened to be in the way- often the sleeve of my shirt.
Here's five basic clothing tips that will save your sanity in the early days of mothering:
1) Make sure the clothing is a cotton, non-wrinkling blend. That can be washed. And rewashed. And washed again and again. The loads of laundry quadruple with each child.
2) For children 6 months and under-- white clothing. Or cream works best. That whitish milk spit-up. It disappears with the wipe of a cloth and you are raring to go to that next important doctor's visit!
3) Give up the unflustered mom look. This was the hardest for me to learn. I wanted to look happy, adjusted, and GOOD as a mom. I finally gave in when I had changed shirts three times on the way out the door since either my breasts leaked, my son decided spitting up his ENTIRE Last meal onto my back, and then the pee leaked from the new diapers.
4) Bring along extra scented wipes, a towel, and some perfume. Your going to feel like the never-ending spit up rag. So why not wipe it up with a towel, use a scented wipe on your shirt (pant leg, collar...) and then use that extra dab of perfume to give that extra fresh mom scent?
5) Avoid silk. Spit up, shit, drool, and just about anything ruins it. And you don't want your breaks to leak or spit up to permanently stain the front of that brand new shirt do you?
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What's in Line?
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Ponderings for the next issue:
--Stealing Time to Be Yourself [online]
--When is Number Two? [subscription only]
--Blogging Mommies (running series) [running series, subscription only]
--Greener Grasses in the Workplace (or not)--Neighbor Mom to the Rescue! [running series, subscription only]
--Books Even a Mom Would Love--Review: It's A Boy: Women Writers On Raising Sons by Andi Buchanan [running series, subscription only]
SUBSCRIBE for the full mu. Send a blank e-mail to:
mommy_underground-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
mu :: vol 1 :: issue 2 :: Toys that keep Moms Happy
The television is my friend. --GASP-- You LET your child watch it? Hell YEAH! Regularly. I won't defend my position for a variety of reasons that all revolve around the fact that you don't live my life, or my child's, nor did you work from home with a child. BUT, I will say this. It doesn't kill any more brain cells than say, Dum Dum suckers and white sugar?
But, as mothers, we let our children do a lot of things so we can catch a break. So why do we beat each other up about it? I mean, we need to survive has humans--we eat what we shouldn't sometimes, we might even have a drink or three, and we definitely obsess over the smallest of details when raising our children.
So here is a list of 5 "toys" that can give you a good 15 minutes of time to yourself--to say--go bathroom by yourself, or maybe even enjoy a chapter of your favorite book:
1) Television. Yes-- try Baby Einstein, Thomas the Tank Engine, Sesame Street, Oswald, JoJo--anything on Noggin, Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, or Disney that strikes your fancy.
2) Drawing/Painting -- Try the WASHABLE markers, crayons, and YES THEY HAVE THEM paints. These will make your day. Sit the wee little one down, put paper all over in front of them and let them have at it. Even one drawing utensil can keep them busy for hours. I realize that this does not work for little, little ones that like to say EAT crayons--but hey, maybe you can get them the plastic look-a-like pens and let them chew on it for a while? It might give you time to take a short phone call right?
3) Water Bottles. Empty or Full it doesn't matter (just make sure the full ones are closed tightly). Every kid I know loves to hold them, squeeze them, throw them, and just plain chew on them. What's a little plastic for the immune system?
4) Cell phones or remote controls. Yep. Get real ones, old ones, toy ones--whatever you can get your hands on. Because, really, these can be a life saver say when you are on the toilet doing your thang... well, when little one wants to be held and you are otherwise...err... busy. Give 'em the phone. It makes noises, lights, up-- and hey it is more entertaining than the box of tampons. Well, that might be another idea wouldn't it?
5) Pots and Pans. Yep... let that kid bang, clang, twist, turn, stack, and swat away. It will only encourage helping out in the kitchen right?
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What's in Line?
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Ponderings for the next issue:
--Beauty Tips for New Moms--Wearing spit up & all things baby with style [online]
--Trust your Inner Mom, No matter how buried she is [subscription only]
--Blogging Mommies (running series) [running series, subscription only]
--Greener Grasses in the Workplace (or not)--Neighbor Mom to the Rescue! [running series, subscription only]
SUBSCRIBE for the full mu. Send a blank e-mail to:
mommy_underground-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Want to see what the
mommy underground is all about? E-mail me [bethany (a) hiitola (dot) come] and I'll send you the first issue for free--no signing up, no subscriptions--just the first ENTIRE newsletter.
Then, maybe, you too will want to
join the mommy underground.
