And the Winds Have Shifted
Just yesterday I changed my computer wallpaper. On all my machines. Running theme? Darkness. Some blues. Some blacks. And definitely something that it sorta melancholy. In fact, it's a running theme with my cell phone too. Something is in the air, and it's getting to me.
Nearest I can tell it's called stress. Summer (day) camp is starting for The Kiddo which means early days starting on Monday. Which also means my day job schedule has changed--and I'm in the office more days a week. That leads to longer, tedious, and challenging days getting both kids up, dressed, one to the sitter, the other to camp, and my ass in a chair. Half the time all while being on conference calls during the entire drive/drop off routine. It just continues all day that way until I get home. Sometimes after.
All that commotion means less time to get the damn grocery shopping done (as an example, I've needed to go for the last week and a half and have squeezed in stops at Walgreens and small shops to get bare necessities to get us by), or laundry started, washed, dried, and folded. Not to mention that the house needs vacuuming. I just barely got a new set of dishes loaded in the dishwasher (after having to empty out the last batch) and hand wash the left-overs. And then there is the quality time with the kids. Yeah. That. Does making a boat out of a plastic Gladware container, straw, and cut outs of the newspaper count? Because if it does, I guess I get a gold star for the weekend--it was what I did with my son yesterday.
Today was filled with soccer. And ten million requests for him to start baseball. But that starts now (or already) and I don't even know who to ask to get him on a team. OR that I really want him on a team as it eats away at any weekend time we do have together. Did I mention we have to get up super early during the week for camp?
Anyway, this dark mood is probably triggered by all the damn stress. You think? I mean, I didn't even detail the work stuff that causes me off and on panic attacks--the project that has been hell. And now good. But at a moment's notice could all go to pot. Again.
Sigh. I really was calmer during my exhaustive maternity leave. At least towards the end when I finally had given up hope of every sleeping continuously again and finally started enjoying myself. I spent the day twittering about with house stuff. Cuddling with the baby. Laughing with my son. And just, well, being relaxed. It makes me wonder how I can capture those moments for the weekends. I can't seem to let anything go right now. Whether it is the laundry, the work project, the fact that I haven't had an afternoon to do what I want in ages, or the fact that I'd love to read a chapter in a book without interruption just once this week. All of it is grating on my in the biggest way possible. And making me crankier than usual. Which is a shame... not only for my blood pressure, but for my kids, my husband, my co-workers. Hell, just for me. Who wants to live life grumpy for days?
Mission for next week: get out of this slump. There ain't enough coffee in the world to pull me out of it on it's own.
Nearest I can tell it's called stress. Summer (day) camp is starting for The Kiddo which means early days starting on Monday. Which also means my day job schedule has changed--and I'm in the office more days a week. That leads to longer, tedious, and challenging days getting both kids up, dressed, one to the sitter, the other to camp, and my ass in a chair. Half the time all while being on conference calls during the entire drive/drop off routine. It just continues all day that way until I get home. Sometimes after.
All that commotion means less time to get the damn grocery shopping done (as an example, I've needed to go for the last week and a half and have squeezed in stops at Walgreens and small shops to get bare necessities to get us by), or laundry started, washed, dried, and folded. Not to mention that the house needs vacuuming. I just barely got a new set of dishes loaded in the dishwasher (after having to empty out the last batch) and hand wash the left-overs. And then there is the quality time with the kids. Yeah. That. Does making a boat out of a plastic Gladware container, straw, and cut outs of the newspaper count? Because if it does, I guess I get a gold star for the weekend--it was what I did with my son yesterday.
Today was filled with soccer. And ten million requests for him to start baseball. But that starts now (or already) and I don't even know who to ask to get him on a team. OR that I really want him on a team as it eats away at any weekend time we do have together. Did I mention we have to get up super early during the week for camp?
Anyway, this dark mood is probably triggered by all the damn stress. You think? I mean, I didn't even detail the work stuff that causes me off and on panic attacks--the project that has been hell. And now good. But at a moment's notice could all go to pot. Again.
Sigh. I really was calmer during my exhaustive maternity leave. At least towards the end when I finally had given up hope of every sleeping continuously again and finally started enjoying myself. I spent the day twittering about with house stuff. Cuddling with the baby. Laughing with my son. And just, well, being relaxed. It makes me wonder how I can capture those moments for the weekends. I can't seem to let anything go right now. Whether it is the laundry, the work project, the fact that I haven't had an afternoon to do what I want in ages, or the fact that I'd love to read a chapter in a book without interruption just once this week. All of it is grating on my in the biggest way possible. And making me crankier than usual. Which is a shame... not only for my blood pressure, but for my kids, my husband, my co-workers. Hell, just for me. Who wants to live life grumpy for days?
Mission for next week: get out of this slump. There ain't enough coffee in the world to pull me out of it on it's own.
