5 weeks and 3 days later
I have finally (finally) calmed down and found myself in odd moments of the day relaxing. Noticing that even though I am a bit tired and frumpy, I am in a new-found element of motherhood that I am enjoying. I am not distracted by work conference calls or e-mails. Nor am I being bothered by crying or insistence by The Kiddo to watch yet another episode of Diego.
In these moments of clarity I realize one thing, this life with kids? Well it is fulfilling isn't it? I mean sure we get frustrated by whining and crying and another dirty diaper. We get sudden bouts of exhaustion so deep that we don't know that one sock in indeed a dark gray and the other a faded navy or that we had already eaten breakfast 3 hours earlier before the crack of dawn. And there are days I wonder why I tortured myself into becoming a soccer mom (yes, I do love watching my son play and have fun and basically be outdoors with other kids enjoying the excitement of the game--it is the pure running around part of it that is, how can I say this?, stressful. And completely amusing at the same time... since hey, I just ran around the neighborhood and chasing frogs and snakes in my young childhood). Or that I decided to have another kid that is breastfeeding like a champ and keeping me up all hours of the night.
Then there are the other moments. When an almost 6-week old smiles for the first time at "the other baby in the mirror." Or when the Kiddo makes me a "letter" telling me he loves me to the bottom of his heart. And that he has my favorite dinner waiting "in the oven in his room." Honestly, it makes me wonder what I did with the rest of my life. Or at least it does right now, when I am, for the first time ever, just a mom. And enjoying it. At least until later tonight when I quite possibly could be kept up all night consoling a completely irreconcilable baby. And another that vomited all of tonight's dinner all over my side of the bed since he'd likely wandered in moments before in a fit of loneliness that only a mom (or dad) can cure.
But, hey. I am not complaining. It is all a part of the journey. The one I am completely enjoying right now, in this very moment. Even though I can barely keep my eyes open at the late hour of 9:30pm.
In these moments of clarity I realize one thing, this life with kids? Well it is fulfilling isn't it? I mean sure we get frustrated by whining and crying and another dirty diaper. We get sudden bouts of exhaustion so deep that we don't know that one sock in indeed a dark gray and the other a faded navy or that we had already eaten breakfast 3 hours earlier before the crack of dawn. And there are days I wonder why I tortured myself into becoming a soccer mom (yes, I do love watching my son play and have fun and basically be outdoors with other kids enjoying the excitement of the game--it is the pure running around part of it that is, how can I say this?, stressful. And completely amusing at the same time... since hey, I just ran around the neighborhood and chasing frogs and snakes in my young childhood). Or that I decided to have another kid that is breastfeeding like a champ and keeping me up all hours of the night.
Then there are the other moments. When an almost 6-week old smiles for the first time at "the other baby in the mirror." Or when the Kiddo makes me a "letter" telling me he loves me to the bottom of his heart. And that he has my favorite dinner waiting "in the oven in his room." Honestly, it makes me wonder what I did with the rest of my life. Or at least it does right now, when I am, for the first time ever, just a mom. And enjoying it. At least until later tonight when I quite possibly could be kept up all night consoling a completely irreconcilable baby. And another that vomited all of tonight's dinner all over my side of the bed since he'd likely wandered in moments before in a fit of loneliness that only a mom (or dad) can cure.
But, hey. I am not complaining. It is all a part of the journey. The one I am completely enjoying right now, in this very moment. Even though I can barely keep my eyes open at the late hour of 9:30pm.
Labels: baby, life, motherhood, parenting
