It's a Struggle
You'd think after finally selling my house, eating out several times this week, and managing to lighten my work schedule a bit to accommodate for the upcoming baby's arrival I'd feel less stress. But the truth is, it's built up to a point that I can barely function without wanting an hour nap or more in the afternoon. Or drink a gallon of coffee (to which I am avoiding due to the pregnancy, but that isn't to say I am not thinking about doing such a thing).
Why the stress? Well, I've put off nearly everything in order to pay the two mortgages. So now when there is only one to pay and it seems like a whole half my brain to think about more menial things, I am trying to cram every last little errand, goal, and tidbit into its place. Including my writing. My son's valuable Mom Time. And some extra little love 'n care towards the husband (who also endured a little stress over the last few months). Now it seems there isn't much energy left to maintain any sort of consistent (or consistently responsible) behavior. Or for that matter energy to maintain any sort of normal living.
Case in point--yesterday afternoon. I got up in the morning, did the normal thing, jumped onto my work computer and fiddled around in e-mail for an hour or so, got through a few items of my to-do list, and then made breakfast for me and the kid. More e-mail. More work. Lunch. And then I decided that an afternoon break of Fairly OddParents was in order (yes a television show for the kid). And then a chapter (or three) from the latest novel I was reading. Then back to work for a small bit more--as to only feel less guilty for the earlier break I took of my own accord. And then I nearly fell asleep at my keyboard. Forcing another break called a 2 hour nap (because, I could. The husband was home from work as well).
Did I work when I awoke? Sure did... responded to various new e-mails. Started a few more to-do list items. Made dinner. And even enjoyed a 2-hour special about NASCAR (and I am not even a fan). But did I do a single bit of fiction writing? Nope. Blog writing. Nope. Anything of a personal nature that required anything but sitting my ass down on the living room couch to watch television or read a book? Ah..no. And thus, I find myself nothing but a sloth.
Why the stress? Well, I've put off nearly everything in order to pay the two mortgages. So now when there is only one to pay and it seems like a whole half my brain to think about more menial things, I am trying to cram every last little errand, goal, and tidbit into its place. Including my writing. My son's valuable Mom Time. And some extra little love 'n care towards the husband (who also endured a little stress over the last few months). Now it seems there isn't much energy left to maintain any sort of consistent (or consistently responsible) behavior. Or for that matter energy to maintain any sort of normal living.
Case in point--yesterday afternoon. I got up in the morning, did the normal thing, jumped onto my work computer and fiddled around in e-mail for an hour or so, got through a few items of my to-do list, and then made breakfast for me and the kid. More e-mail. More work. Lunch. And then I decided that an afternoon break of Fairly OddParents was in order (yes a television show for the kid). And then a chapter (or three) from the latest novel I was reading. Then back to work for a small bit more--as to only feel less guilty for the earlier break I took of my own accord. And then I nearly fell asleep at my keyboard. Forcing another break called a 2 hour nap (because, I could. The husband was home from work as well).
Did I work when I awoke? Sure did... responded to various new e-mails. Started a few more to-do list items. Made dinner. And even enjoyed a 2-hour special about NASCAR (and I am not even a fan). But did I do a single bit of fiction writing? Nope. Blog writing. Nope. Anything of a personal nature that required anything but sitting my ass down on the living room couch to watch television or read a book? Ah..no. And thus, I find myself nothing but a sloth.
Labels: life
