Successing Santa Claus*
Dear Mr. Claus,
It will be a sad state of affairs in the coming months as we all mourn the loss of a true world icon, when you hang up the ole red cap in retirement. Please be sure to celebrate appropriately after this year's Christmas season--as it will be your last. Next year, the holiday season and the Dec 24th all-nighter will be just a memory. One I am sure you will be relishing for years to come. As will Mrs. Claus. She will finally have you all to herself after all these years.
Your most recent announcement has caused quite a stir in the Holiday Mascot circles (I hear the Tooth Fairy through more than a hissy fit. And the Easter Bunny almost lost all his eggs), but be assured--I'm here to help. We're all here to help. And it is in the best interest of all the children of the world, that a successor is chosen as soon as possible. We'll need to make preparations beyond those of logisitics to prepare for next year (marketing campaign, movie re-makes with the new Santa in town, and of course a whole new focus on brand. The Brand of the New Santa). So without further ado, let me list the qualifications I would bring to this position.
First and foremost, I love children. I have one of my own you know. And honestly, I didn't know they could be so much fun (when he isn't pulling a tantrum day. Or when his superhero clothes are all a dirty mess in the hamper). Being a mother, I've become quite attune to the whole being *good* and being *bad* part of childhood. That radar needs to be on full tilt in the Santa position--and who knows children better than a mother?
Secondly, if you've ever been to my house, you'd know. Mom's are extrodinary multi-taskers. Hell, on any given day I have 3 conference calls, a doctor's appointment, lunch, dinner, school project, and work deadline to tackle--and that doesn't even include and emergency vet visit or a hair color I am in desparate need of. We mothers are great at covering it all--and as Santa, that is big part of the job. Isn't it? Even more so than the Dec 24th hoopla.
Speaking of which (and again with the mother thing), I am in desparate need of a night off. And what better to fill it with, than visiting homes of millions and dropping off a few gifts. I know, I know, a night off? But it is. See, I could get bundled up in some red shiny thing, tall heeled boots, get my hair done, make-up, and jump on the old luxury sled--let the deer steer the ride and fancy myself on some wine making pit stops along the way to eat a few cookies and drop off a few presents. In my world, that is a night off. And a wonderful one at that (you do have some wine on that sled don't you?).
Which brings up a valient point-- the male verses female thing. Yes. I'm a woman. So sue me. What I can do about that. It was the way I was born. But I think as far as the "changing of of the Santa Station" this could do a world of good in the new branding efforts. Take a look at it this way, the public will have to get over the fact that your leaving anyway, so why not take it to an even farther level and replace you with a woman? Think of the possibilities!
Oh don't worry about changing the round and jolly image. I got that covered. I am far from model skinny (or even skinny in general) and I got the laugh down. Just ask my husband. Think-- round housewife with a fondness for laughing and wine. See? You have me pegged. And I have you pegged. And it is a perfect match!
Enough with the fashion and looks qualifications. There is so much more I can do for Claus Enterprises. We'll expand your computer networks, hire a few consultants, and farm out some of the services overseas. Isn't that what the rest of corporate America is doing anyway? Then when the new season arrives, we'll hire a few thousand contractors to make up for lost time and get that gift production branch of your business booming (keep you out of the market of shopping at Best Buy and Target for the good stuff) and back on track.
Online we'll brand out as well. We'll get a Santa blog set up, snag you a few posts a day, get some regular readership and maybe get you a side PAYING gig to make a few bucks for the rest of the year. Keep up the Santa hype through the rest of the seasons as well (didn't you know those damn Halloween witches are hacking into some of your decoration territory?).
Look, I can't promise you the world as your successor. Just hard work, a bit of rebranding, and then eventually a well-oiled business that will not only tackle Christmas, but keep you moving into the rest of the year. You and I both know that eventually this one time of year splurging for the holidays can only last so long. So why not make it a year long affair. With a little extra edge mind you. Between you and me, who wouldn't want to see a mother having a good time once a year?
So there you have it. Qualifications, business plans, and even a long term outlook for Claus Enterprises. Is it enough to push you over the edge? Hell, you have 20 days left until the deadline. You sure you don't want to give up the seat early? I work well under pressure.
Sincerely,
Your aspiring successory.... Bethany
a.k.a. mommy writer
*Remember this little post? Yep, it was time to share the exercise in answering a writing prompt. Again, this one was from the WritersDigest.com. You remember it don't you? For the forgetful folk, follow the link, scroll to bottom portion of the post for the details. But, of course, I took liberties. It's my blog isn't it?
It will be a sad state of affairs in the coming months as we all mourn the loss of a true world icon, when you hang up the ole red cap in retirement. Please be sure to celebrate appropriately after this year's Christmas season--as it will be your last. Next year, the holiday season and the Dec 24th all-nighter will be just a memory. One I am sure you will be relishing for years to come. As will Mrs. Claus. She will finally have you all to herself after all these years.
Your most recent announcement has caused quite a stir in the Holiday Mascot circles (I hear the Tooth Fairy through more than a hissy fit. And the Easter Bunny almost lost all his eggs), but be assured--I'm here to help. We're all here to help. And it is in the best interest of all the children of the world, that a successor is chosen as soon as possible. We'll need to make preparations beyond those of logisitics to prepare for next year (marketing campaign, movie re-makes with the new Santa in town, and of course a whole new focus on brand. The Brand of the New Santa). So without further ado, let me list the qualifications I would bring to this position.
First and foremost, I love children. I have one of my own you know. And honestly, I didn't know they could be so much fun (when he isn't pulling a tantrum day. Or when his superhero clothes are all a dirty mess in the hamper). Being a mother, I've become quite attune to the whole being *good* and being *bad* part of childhood. That radar needs to be on full tilt in the Santa position--and who knows children better than a mother?
Secondly, if you've ever been to my house, you'd know. Mom's are extrodinary multi-taskers. Hell, on any given day I have 3 conference calls, a doctor's appointment, lunch, dinner, school project, and work deadline to tackle--and that doesn't even include and emergency vet visit or a hair color I am in desparate need of. We mothers are great at covering it all--and as Santa, that is big part of the job. Isn't it? Even more so than the Dec 24th hoopla.
Speaking of which (and again with the mother thing), I am in desparate need of a night off. And what better to fill it with, than visiting homes of millions and dropping off a few gifts. I know, I know, a night off? But it is. See, I could get bundled up in some red shiny thing, tall heeled boots, get my hair done, make-up, and jump on the old luxury sled--let the deer steer the ride and fancy myself on some wine making pit stops along the way to eat a few cookies and drop off a few presents. In my world, that is a night off. And a wonderful one at that (you do have some wine on that sled don't you?).
Which brings up a valient point-- the male verses female thing. Yes. I'm a woman. So sue me. What I can do about that. It was the way I was born. But I think as far as the "changing of of the Santa Station" this could do a world of good in the new branding efforts. Take a look at it this way, the public will have to get over the fact that your leaving anyway, so why not take it to an even farther level and replace you with a woman? Think of the possibilities!
Oh don't worry about changing the round and jolly image. I got that covered. I am far from model skinny (or even skinny in general) and I got the laugh down. Just ask my husband. Think-- round housewife with a fondness for laughing and wine. See? You have me pegged. And I have you pegged. And it is a perfect match!
Enough with the fashion and looks qualifications. There is so much more I can do for Claus Enterprises. We'll expand your computer networks, hire a few consultants, and farm out some of the services overseas. Isn't that what the rest of corporate America is doing anyway? Then when the new season arrives, we'll hire a few thousand contractors to make up for lost time and get that gift production branch of your business booming (keep you out of the market of shopping at Best Buy and Target for the good stuff) and back on track.
Online we'll brand out as well. We'll get a Santa blog set up, snag you a few posts a day, get some regular readership and maybe get you a side PAYING gig to make a few bucks for the rest of the year. Keep up the Santa hype through the rest of the seasons as well (didn't you know those damn Halloween witches are hacking into some of your decoration territory?).
Look, I can't promise you the world as your successor. Just hard work, a bit of rebranding, and then eventually a well-oiled business that will not only tackle Christmas, but keep you moving into the rest of the year. You and I both know that eventually this one time of year splurging for the holidays can only last so long. So why not make it a year long affair. With a little extra edge mind you. Between you and me, who wouldn't want to see a mother having a good time once a year?
So there you have it. Qualifications, business plans, and even a long term outlook for Claus Enterprises. Is it enough to push you over the edge? Hell, you have 20 days left until the deadline. You sure you don't want to give up the seat early? I work well under pressure.
Sincerely,
Your aspiring successory.... Bethany
a.k.a. mommy writer
*Remember this little post? Yep, it was time to share the exercise in answering a writing prompt. Again, this one was from the WritersDigest.com. You remember it don't you? For the forgetful folk, follow the link, scroll to bottom portion of the post for the details. But, of course, I took liberties. It's my blog isn't it?
Labels: christmas, writing prompt
