Finding Happiness
It was a long time ago--about 2 and a half years--when I was in the midst of chaos (working full time at home with a 6 month old baby), that I realized I wasn't happy. And it wasn't because I didn't have all the things I needed--health, husband, child--it was because there was something in my life that I wanted to do, but wasn't actually doing it.
I missed writing. I was a writer by trade (meaning I wrote technical manuals that maybe a handful of customers actually read) but missed writing what I loved, sappy, non-literary poetry and fiction. I missed my dream of becoming a published author of made-up stories and memories of my life.
I took stock of my life and at first almost broke down in tears. I barely had enough time in my days to shower in-between work conference calls, deadlines, nursing my baby, and take care of his needs and housework. How the hell was I going to squeeze in writing? In other words, was I willing to make a sacrifice to write like I really wanted to do?
During the years prior to motherhood, I'd spent hours talking with other writerly friends about my aspirations of writing and someday being published (even at that time, tackling the self-publishing--as my original goal was only to be read, nothing more, nothing less). I schemed, plotted, and even started a blog (or two) trying to maintain a writing schedule. To get back into a groove of writing--and prepping myself for what a life writing what I wanted would be like. But, what I didn't do was a lot of the terrible poetry or novel writing. I guess I thought that might come on it's own (or write itself).
But one day, when my work load was miraculously light and my son actually took a nap longer than twenty minutes--I decided to start a novel. One that I WOULD really finish. I needed to finish that novel not only to prove to myself that I could, but because it WAS my dream. And still IS my dream to be published.
Somewhere along the way, I've decided to try a traditional publishing route. I've queried. I've been rejected. I've queried again. And again rejected. I've inquired about the eBook business. And about self-publishing. I've helped others get published. And even released my own short story (I guess by releasing an eBook of my own). And I am still trying.
Is the dream of being a writer actualized now? I mean, I am a writer, right? I am doing what a real writer would do--even though most days I hold another job too. Do I still LOVE being a writer? Yes. Yes. And yes. Though I do need reminders sometimes. And I do need to remember that all it takes for this dream to be true, is for me to take action, and I am. Whether I make 1 cent or thousands of dollars. My only goal when I started, was to be read... and since there are a few of you that actual read this virtual rag--I guess that truly makes me a writer. Wow. The dream has come true--the only dilemma now is that I dream bigger!
But the big thing in all this is that I have actualized and acted upon a dream. I've MADE it happen with a lot of hard work, determination, and fun. I promised myself (as my good friend), that I would only keep writing my fiction if I was having fun, or what was the point? It would only become another job, like all the myriad of others I've had throughout my technical writing career. And I don't want to waste my dreams on that--when I can have so much better.
This whole post came from reading Mother in Chief--and her search for happiness. I can't offer her a lot of advice, but what I can say is to just figure out the dream. Most of the time, the big dreams--the real ones--aren't for a big house and a lot of money (not that all of that is bad), but it is for some form of validation and acceptance from others. Sometimes that is for writing, or producing amazing art. Other times it is recognition for hard work or services. And I bet Mother-in-Chief will figure it out soon--as it is something you've always had in you, it is just a matter if you are willing to put in the work to make it happen. The best dreams make you work for them--because then they are so much sweeter when they come true.
A special thanks to the post from Nadia Cornier at Agent Obscura as well (she is also the creator and owner of Firebrand Literary Agency--which if I could find a way to impress her, I would, cause her agency ROCKS). With Mother-in-Chief's post and the one from Nadia, I know that this journey of writing, and my dream of continuing writing, are well, the right dreams for me. I'm happier in this place of my life now, than I have ever been. Thanks Nadia and Suzanne!
I missed writing. I was a writer by trade (meaning I wrote technical manuals that maybe a handful of customers actually read) but missed writing what I loved, sappy, non-literary poetry and fiction. I missed my dream of becoming a published author of made-up stories and memories of my life.
I took stock of my life and at first almost broke down in tears. I barely had enough time in my days to shower in-between work conference calls, deadlines, nursing my baby, and take care of his needs and housework. How the hell was I going to squeeze in writing? In other words, was I willing to make a sacrifice to write like I really wanted to do?
During the years prior to motherhood, I'd spent hours talking with other writerly friends about my aspirations of writing and someday being published (even at that time, tackling the self-publishing--as my original goal was only to be read, nothing more, nothing less). I schemed, plotted, and even started a blog (or two) trying to maintain a writing schedule. To get back into a groove of writing--and prepping myself for what a life writing what I wanted would be like. But, what I didn't do was a lot of the terrible poetry or novel writing. I guess I thought that might come on it's own (or write itself).
But one day, when my work load was miraculously light and my son actually took a nap longer than twenty minutes--I decided to start a novel. One that I WOULD really finish. I needed to finish that novel not only to prove to myself that I could, but because it WAS my dream. And still IS my dream to be published.
Somewhere along the way, I've decided to try a traditional publishing route. I've queried. I've been rejected. I've queried again. And again rejected. I've inquired about the eBook business. And about self-publishing. I've helped others get published. And even released my own short story (I guess by releasing an eBook of my own). And I am still trying.
Is the dream of being a writer actualized now? I mean, I am a writer, right? I am doing what a real writer would do--even though most days I hold another job too. Do I still LOVE being a writer? Yes. Yes. And yes. Though I do need reminders sometimes. And I do need to remember that all it takes for this dream to be true, is for me to take action, and I am. Whether I make 1 cent or thousands of dollars. My only goal when I started, was to be read... and since there are a few of you that actual read this virtual rag--I guess that truly makes me a writer. Wow. The dream has come true--the only dilemma now is that I dream bigger!
But the big thing in all this is that I have actualized and acted upon a dream. I've MADE it happen with a lot of hard work, determination, and fun. I promised myself (as my good friend), that I would only keep writing my fiction if I was having fun, or what was the point? It would only become another job, like all the myriad of others I've had throughout my technical writing career. And I don't want to waste my dreams on that--when I can have so much better.
This whole post came from reading Mother in Chief--and her search for happiness. I can't offer her a lot of advice, but what I can say is to just figure out the dream. Most of the time, the big dreams--the real ones--aren't for a big house and a lot of money (not that all of that is bad), but it is for some form of validation and acceptance from others. Sometimes that is for writing, or producing amazing art. Other times it is recognition for hard work or services. And I bet Mother-in-Chief will figure it out soon--as it is something you've always had in you, it is just a matter if you are willing to put in the work to make it happen. The best dreams make you work for them--because then they are so much sweeter when they come true.
A special thanks to the post from Nadia Cornier at Agent Obscura as well (she is also the creator and owner of Firebrand Literary Agency--which if I could find a way to impress her, I would, cause her agency ROCKS). With Mother-in-Chief's post and the one from Nadia, I know that this journey of writing, and my dream of continuing writing, are well, the right dreams for me. I'm happier in this place of my life now, than I have ever been. Thanks Nadia and Suzanne!
