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It's a Boy Virtual Book Tour STOPS HERE!

Wednesday, November 09, 2005 by Bethany

Look here... I'm an official stop for the It's A Boy: Women Writers On Raising Sons Blog Book Tour! The book is edited by Andi Buchanan (author of Mother Shock: Loving Every (Other) Minute of It and editor over at literarymama.com) but is chalked full of essays written women* who have sons of their own. But before I go on blathering about how great all these essays are (and let me tell you, it would take me a blog post for EACH story to explain the whys and hows of their down-to-earth, truthful memoirs of mothering boys) I want share my own adventure into rearing a son--because THIS IS WHAT THIS BOOKS MAKES YOU WANT TO DO. So, call up every one of your girlfriends who has the fortune to have a son (no matter what the age), plan to read the book together, and get ready for a night of admitting the neurosis we call mothering boys.

After I survived the first four weeks of (the holy-shit-I'm-actually-pregnant) shock, I inevitably wondered about the little fetus and its gender as it curled and turned in my womb. For me, it was all about the known versus the unknown.

The known was having a girl. I could prepare her for the world of periods and cramping. Gossip. Developing early (as in sprouting breasts in the 7th grade when you have to shop for real bras and your friends are just experimenting with the trainer ones). How the cool girls are just really insecure even though they can really be brutal, mean, and bitchy in their 12 - 15 year old experience. Excelling in math and science AND computers-- look at your mom, and all about the mystery of boys (well no solutions there other than yes they are an odd bunch). And let's not forget make-up, hand bags, funky socks and shoes. Hair coloring. The fun parts of fishing and camping (cause you need to show off to all those boys who don't think you'd be interested). And everything else about being a woman--cause I have EXPERIENCE in that field.

The unknown, was obviously rearing a boy. I was okay with this option--just a little more unsure and cautious. So much so, I warned my husband he'd have to provide all the technical details of puberty. And deal with fighting or bullying. And that whole sports hazing thing. Cause, well, I didn't have a clue. I could provide comfort, the sensitivity, and the whole how-to-treat-women (and the whole protection thing). I'd take care of making sure the boy could clean, cook, and even do his laundry (just as I would a daughter). And the rest, I'd just learn along the way. I knew this whole course of action would be a little bit harder route for me--because I didn't have the mind or experience of being a boy, teenage boy, or young man, but my husband did, so I was headed in the right direction.

But, similar to Andi Buchanan's experience, it was everyone else's comments that took me aback. My mother-in-law's insistence of having a boy so that I carry on the family name. Even so far as to purchase blue baby wear and It's a Boy receiving blankets even though morning sickness had just started and five-moth ultrasound light-years away. The co-worker, father of two boys, stating as fact, "The first eight years with boys are hard, after that it is cake compared to a girls' emotional roller coaster ride." Then there were the strangers' and their assessments, "Boys are better sleepers," "There is no better relationship than a boy to his mother," "Girls' will kill you with hormones," and so on. It never ceased to amaze me what unsolicited comments I received both before knowing the sex of my child and then when I knew with absolute certainty it was a boy (he wasn't shy for the one and only ultrasound).

But EVEN with all of this, the actual determination it was a boy, and then the actual birth, I STILL wasn't prepared for what happened AFTER he was born. Not only did the whole boys-are-easier-scheme continue (which was now just a pleasantry), I became ridiculed for having a Mama's Boy. This coming from some of the very same people that WANTED me to have a boy, or insinuated that this was a better alternative to having a girl! The realization that my little baby boy was suddenly a toddler when he went to hit me in a fit of aggression when I took away his favorite toy. Or his fascination with all things that move on wheels, with wings, or on rails. He has fit every stereotype of an all-around boy-- dirty, rough, tumble, and quick to a temper. I've been hit, bit, kicked, licked, slurped, thrown at, and even sat on--all by a boy that was under three years old. All signs he definitely has the Y chromosome and a little testosterone in his system. But, I know I have done something right-- he's sensitive, gives me hugs (and even kisses) almost on a whim, and he enjoys drawing and painting as much as anyone (I think this has more to do with his father's career as a graphic designer but, I'll take credit anyway), snuggles while watching movies or when he wants some down time, not afraid of taking chances, and well, he's not a bully (and not a wimp), polite, an avid learner, and he tells me he loves me multiple times a day. What more can I ask for?

Not having a daughter (yet), I don't know what that relationship would be like, nor what her personality, likes, dislikes, or favorite toys would be (wheels or not), but I can only hope it as enduring, exhilarating, frustrating, and proud as the one I have with my son.

So my point in all this is that in It's A Boy all the authors* and their stories don't hide from the truth. I mean these stories are all about honesty, no sugar-coating, admissions of guilt, fear, worry, judgments, and most importantly, and honest to goodness good read for a mom of any kind--but particularly how these moms are coping with raising sons. I give the collection a hearty five diapers and a bottle of wine. Don't forget this is a perfect gift for your best pregnant girlfriend-- she'll thank you later! [Buy the book here]

And if you want more info, here's what you can do: