When the Milk Bar Ended
When I stopped nursing my son I thought that I would have a party. Drink myself into a stupor as I couldn't drink more than a glass or two of wine since knowing of my pregnancy and enjoy some un-connected freedom. The freedom of not having someone using me as a food source! It was going to be glorious... and I remember counting down the days.
And then it happened. I mean, he (the child) didn't stop on his own (we'd still be nursing before bed and first thing in the morning if he had his way)--I pushed the issue as he is nearing 3 and well, I was done. I mean--I was a woman who thought if I made it through 4 months of nursing THAT would be a success. 26 months later.... it ends. And sorta easily (meaning little crying or fussing--just some gentle negotiation). And now I am feeling....
ummm....
Not remorseful. Not depressed (as some told me would happen). And also not like throwing a party.
Maybe it is because my breasts haven't realized they are free to do as they please--and well, stop making milk. Cause every morning--STILL 4 or so months later--I have an ache in the left favored side. Or maybe it is because my son still on occasion reaches for me and pats at my chest--even though he knows his time is done (not to mention speak the words). Or is it me? I mean, do I miss it?
And then it happened. I mean, he (the child) didn't stop on his own (we'd still be nursing before bed and first thing in the morning if he had his way)--I pushed the issue as he is nearing 3 and well, I was done. I mean--I was a woman who thought if I made it through 4 months of nursing THAT would be a success. 26 months later.... it ends. And sorta easily (meaning little crying or fussing--just some gentle negotiation). And now I am feeling....
ummm....
Not remorseful. Not depressed (as some told me would happen). And also not like throwing a party.
Maybe it is because my breasts haven't realized they are free to do as they please--and well, stop making milk. Cause every morning--STILL 4 or so months later--I have an ache in the left favored side. Or maybe it is because my son still on occasion reaches for me and pats at my chest--even though he knows his time is done (not to mention speak the words). Or is it me? I mean, do I miss it?
